A Mother’s Day without Mom

Mother's Day without Mom, Small-Town Girl at Heart

Mother’s Day during a pandemic is new territory for many of us, although the absence of our mothers may be familiar territory for a few of us. Some of us have the opportunity to live in the same house with our mothers during this pandemic, while some of us live apart from our mothers—short or long distances—and will not be able to spend Mother’s Day in close contact with our mothers because of the pandemic.

For those of us who can’t be with our mothers this Mother’s Day, whether it’s because of the pandemic or because she is no longer with us on this earth, we may have feelings of grief or loss. We may miss being in her presence, hearing her voice or being wrapped up in a tender embrace. We may feel sad that we’re apart, perhaps even angry because our lives are on hold for an indefinite period of time.

Mothers, who are missing their children due to social distancing regulations or for other reasons, may also be feeling loss this Mother’s Day.

For me, Mother’s Day will be bittersweet this year. I’m fortunate to be able to spend Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law because we currently live in the same household, but I will be missing my own mother this Mother’s Day because we live apart.

My siblings and I usually have a big get-together for our mother for Mother’s Day, but we won’t get to have that this year. My sister is also a first-time mother this year and we’ll be missing celebrating her first year of motherhood.

Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine that I wouldn’t be able to spend time with my mother and family. I love my family and want to be with them. We love being in each other’s presence. Texting or chatting on the phone just isn’t the same.

Mother's Day without Mom
Me, Mom and my younger siblings. Photo Copyright 1990, Small-Town Girl at Heart, All Rights Reserved

This Mother’s Day will be hard and yet I’m thankful. I’m thankful because my mother is alive and well. I can talk to her on the phone to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. Not everyone can. I can send her a handmade Mother’s Day card for her to read and cherish. Not everyone can. I can have a “driveway” visit with her from a safe social distance. Not everyone can.

My mother lost her own mother, my grandmother, twelve years ago and she still feels that loss because her mother was her best friend. I miss my grandma a lot, but I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose a mother. I dread that day when it comes and I hope it doesn’t come for many, many more years (Do you hear that, Mom? I want you around until you’re at least a hundred!).

But when the day comes that my mother is taken up to heaven, I hope that I can look back on the life I had with her and cherish all the moments we had together. I hope that I can say with gratitude and pride that my mother was my best friend (because you are my best friend and my inspiration, Mom, and I love you so much!).

Mother's Day without Mom
Mom and me on my wedding day. Photo Copyright 2013, Small-Town Girl at Heart, All Rights Reserved.

Whatever your reasons for not being able to be with your mother or your children this Mother’s Day, it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or disappointed. It’s okay to feel loss even if your mother is alive and well but you can’t be with her because of the pandemic.

I want you to know that you’re not alone. Many of us are missing our mothers for various reasons, and many of us are grieving. We can grieve together. And for those of you who no longer have your mothers with you, my heart goes out especially to you this Mother’s Day. You are in my heart and prayers.

May God grant you all peace and love this Mother’s Day.

You are not alone.

You. Are. Loved.

Unconditionally.

I hope you find love, hope and peace in these words.

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